Wednesday, February 2

Remembering to re-member

Every relationship has a reason. Do I make a relationship ‘simply’? 

After the death of my Aunty, whom I love much, I have often asked myself if I can continue my relationship with her. Is it true that death sometimes deepens the intimacy? 

I have understood that distance and separation can deepen a relationship. Let me illustrate. At home, it is quite ordinary to talk about the events of the day around my dining table. I call it the ‘dining table fellowship’. However, when I am far away from home, I really know that I am missing something more than a 'dining table fellowship' ! Taking a trip far away from home gives me a strong intimacy to home that is not experienced when I am there at home!! 

I think death is more radical than taking a trip. Even after death, some people remain significant for us in our hearts through our memories. When someone loved passes away, our love to that person deepens. 

It is strange to examine the English word ‘remembering’. When we ‘remember’ a long lost and loved relationship, what we are actually doing is to re-member that person once again in our association. Remembering is much more than just thinking of a relationship. It is making that relationship an integral part of our members...part of our family... part of our whole being! When the living remember the dead, it is an experience of ‘member-ing’ them into our living world of joys and sorrows... of light and darkness... of sound and silence. When a living remember the dead, it is not we joining is they ‘member-ing’ in us.

Photo from personal files