Lord... you spoke of ‘total commitment’ (?)
Well, end of the year is fast approaching and 'total commitment' is a difficult proposition to ponder. Putting things in ‘total’ order, getting the 'total' priority in place, looking back into half-baked projects, taking them up to rework.... Oh! Some of them are too difficult....I shy away from them.
Then Lord, ‘total commitment’ haunts me. It starts in a little way with a big desire. It starts too quickly. Most often ‘total commitment’ never kicks off beyond a couple of days effort. It all cools down to the ‘real me’. I understand that in ‘total commitment’ there is no part left for the ‘real me’. And, ‘commitment’ is a kind of surrender sort of a word — a not-my-will-but-thine attitude towards every day. So Lord, do I really like it?
I run away. I shudder from it all. I want no part of ‘total commitment’. Please tell me, Can I settle for something else other than ‘total commitment’ to my vocation? Something lesser than ‘total’? So why does it haunt me so?
Lord, I promise YOU that I will get on with my cool life. I will get on in a good way... in a possible way...in an ok way. I wouldn’t mess it up without letting YOU know it. Even if I mess it up, I’ll come back to YOU for correction. But Lord, keep me away from ‘total commitment’. I am afraid of that...
Lord of all my life, .... amen!”